You continue to haunt me even during my happy days. I admit that I up to this day, I still cannot believe the gravity of the pain you caused me and my family. For the past months, I tried ridiculously hard to let this go, to forgive you. I even prayed often to the Supreme Being to help me soften my heart and just simply forget all about the issue. But human as I am, I am afraid that until now, I am struggling to see you or hear about you without resentment at all.
You're someone blurry in the crowd now. (Photo from impressive.net)
If you ask me why it took takes me so long to get this over with, the answer is pretty simple. As they say, it is easier to forgive a stranger for doing a betraying act than to forgive a friend who does the same to you. If you were simply an acquaintance, I wouldn't care much if you threw rocks at me or if you slipped poison in my drink. But since I considered you a friend, a close one at that, being at peace with you again is just a difficult thing to do. . . especially that it's one of my family members that's been ridiculed by you. You could have witnessed how this certain family member suffered because of what you did. You could have seen the affliction you brought her, the pain that I so wanted to take away from her. I was desperate to shield her from all the things you said because she didn't doesn't deserve to be disrespected by someone way, way younger than she is. Honestly, I wished that I could take away all the negativity she felt at that time and make it my own. But it wasn't the case. My mother suffered greatly and I, as her child, became so angry at what happened. If the bomb was aimed at me, it would have been a different story. This misery could have ended a long time ago. But we're talking about a person more important than myself, an individual who molded me and my sisters into who we are today. And just so you know, I'd take a bullet just to protect her and save her from all the harshness of the world. I am pretty sure you'll do the same if your family's well-being is at stake.
Please know that I am not posting this to blame you for what happened. I just want you understand why I still feel awfully bad (redundancy placed for emphasis) about you up to this day. Don't worry, I know one day, I will be able to forgive you and be able to move forward without thinking of malicious stuff about you. At this time, let me feel the pain fully in my system. Let me mourn for our dead friendship. Let me experience THIS grief so that I can finally get out of this darkness--in due time. After all, we must all drench in the rain for us to see the sunshine. And I can't wait for that day to finally come.
Although this has been a terrible experience for us, I know we both got something valuable out of it. As for me, I now know that family is more important than anything else; that people do not have to fight for a friendship that's going nowhere; that letting go of a negative entity will help us see the positivity and happiness the beam around us.
